Romance is the glamour which turns the
dust of everyday life into a golden haze.”
― Elinor Glyn

Happy Valentine’s!

For those of us living in New Orleans participation in the Christian tradition of the Lenten season is a welcome change of pace. It offers us a great opportunity to do something positive after two weeks of nonstop partying to celebrate Mardi Gras.

This year offers us a dual opportunity to include romance in our Lenten practice; the first day of Lent is also Valentine’s Day. Regardless of your religious practice you may want to include some of these ideas during the next 40 days.

You may want to spend a little time today writing down a list of ideas of romantic experiences that you want to include in your daily life for the next 40 days. Romance can be experienced by being passionate and fully present in whatever you are doing in life.  

If your job is hum drum what can you do to make it more exciting and interesting? If you are not happy with the energy level of your body it may be a good time to adjust your diet and initiate a routine of exercise few times a week.

Look at the primary relationships in your life. Even the best relationships will always benefit with an infusion of attention and care. The typical Valentine gift of flowers and candy will be gone in a few days. How about initiating a new practice like writing a note for the next eight weeks letting your spouse or significant other know they are appreciated and hold a special place in your heart. Be specific about what you value about them.

When Lent is over and we celebrate the Resurrection on Easter Sunday the foundation will have been put in place to truly celebrate the investment of time and energy to enhance the relationships most dear to our hearts.  
 

 “Only from the heart can you touch the sky.”
—Jalaluddin Rumi

 In today’s society we expect instant results. I am surely among that number. One major influence that has fostered this attitude is the experience of purchasing items on line and receiving them at my front door within two days. I do not have to do anything but enter in my credit card number and place my order! Now when I go to a department store I get very impatient when I have to wait in line to pay for my purchases. I’m not alone in my distress. Each person in line is fidgety and grumbling. The same attitude prevails if an appliance breaks. We want it fixed instantly or we just get a new one to replace it.

 Unfortunately this mindset is subconsciously brought into many marriages. If the relationship isn’t working or proving to be very satisfying many young people don’t seem to have the patience to seek help before it deteriorates to the point that it cannot be fixed. Too quickly or too easily they just decide to “throw out” the relationship and seek a “replacement.”

What is not often in the news is the success that so many couples are having living out a long term relationship. Most of our friends have recently celebrated 50 years of marriage.

 In my previous posting I mentioned that love is a decision and not a feeling. This is such a key concept in any valued relationship. When things are not going great it is necessary to pull out the trump card and remember “love is a decision.”

 When we taught a marriage course many years ago at a local Catholic high school the girls were very encouraged to hear that the other key thing is all relationships constantly go in and out of three phases. This was something they were already experiencing in the relationships with their siblings and friends.

 The following are those three phases that are always changing in any relationship:

• Romance
• Disillusionment
• True Joy
• 
   When we made a Marriage Encounter weekend we were married only five years. One of the talks we had to present covered these three cycles. We enjoyed life to the fullest as a married couple and were still in the romance period. At that time it was difficult to talk about the other two cycles, particularly disillusionment. But when disillusionment hit us it was like running into a brick wall. We just did not expect that it would happen to us. The great thing that came from it was we worked through our first crisis and then enjoyed the true joy of working through our disagreement or disillusionment.
• 
   Many years ago a priest friend told us it is not as important what you give to your children as it is for them to feel the security of seeing how much their parents love one another. It has been our experience by focusing more on romance the stage of disillusionment is shortened. Romance can be fueled by scheduling a date night and planning something you both enjoy doing together. This is an exclusive time without children or friends. To initially rekindle the romance it may help to talk about the memories of your dating period and your early years of marriage.
• 
   Unfortunately romance is the most neglected of the three cycles. When it is most needed, life is usually in its busiest phase. Escalating careers, raising children, and social obligations do seem to take priority and can complicate finding time for one another. Just remember romance is a critically important element of the three stages we continually experience in marriage.
• 
   Unlike happiness true joy runs much deeper. It is more powerful. It is truly a grace moment of once again being “in the flow” of that one special relationship. It often comes after working through heavy disillusionment or disappointment. It is truly a blissful experience.
• 
   In a few days there will be a lot of romantic energy around the country as we celebrate Valentine’s Day. This would be a good time to initiate a “monthly date night” on your calendar in an effort to establish a habit of making certain your primary relationship thrives and grows. What a gift for Valentine’s Day!

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One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.
                                                                                                ~Judith Viorst
It was recently stated in the local newspaper that New Year‘s resolutions are getting close to falling into the high category of failure. Only a small percentage will be kept after March 1.

My Dream Board has been catching my attention daily. It constantly reminds me of my intentions for this year. One of the postings is getting close to fruition. I posted “I am attracting 2,500 weekly readers to view my blog.” Because of this increased readership of last week’s posting I am close to reaching the goal. I will continue to explore this topic for the next few postings.

I will offer the following recommendations to our teenage grandchildren as they enter the dating scene. It is what I would also suggest to anyone beginning their search to attract a lifetime partner.

·       The marriages of our family and those of the parents of our friends are the best role models for what we want for our marriage.

·       The communication with close friends and family teaches us how to relate to a future spouse. The best gift our friends can give us is to bring out the best in us and reflect the goodness in us that we do not always see in ourselves. This is the one gift we will want to give to our spouse and one will always appreciate receiving.

When I got serious about finding a person I wanted to attract for a lifetime relationship I gave serious thought to exactly the kind of person I wanted to attract. I wrote a list of the qualities I was seeking in a spouse. I carried this list in my pocket. That was my Dream Board then!  At a very young age I believed if you knew what you wanted in life and focused in that direction it would show up!

The next thing that I did was pray that I would make the right choice in finding a spouse. My office was close to a Church that I visited frequently to attend Mass. I had no idea the person with whom I would be going on a blind date was at the same Church at the same time I was there.

These two tools writing down what you want to attract and praying about it gets positive results.  The success of this came last year when my wife and I celebration of our 50th Wedding Anniversary. This will be an event I will never forget as it offered us an opportunity to reflect on the many blessings we have in our life.  
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I am grateful for my answered prayers and my Dream Board manifestation. Because of that I am enjoying life with my lifetime best friend, my wife.