“He was free. All he had to do was let go of the chains.”
Looking back on my life I reflected on what I would consider the one thing I would change or do differently. For me it would be somehow learning more about my parents’ upbringing while they were still with me. Their family history influenced who they were and that became their school of learning on how they raised me and the values they felt were most important to instill in me.
There was an innate goodness about them that automatically surfaced from their heritage and resulted in their being loving and caring parents. As an adult I realized there were other factors that influenced intangibles or imperceptible behaviors that we don’t realize affect us. It was the hidden fears my mother experienced as a child that she did not have control of that I absorbed. My dad experienced abandonment and insecurity when his mother died giving birth to her eighth child. The baby died also. His brothers and sisters were raised by different family members in different households.
Life seems to have a way of putting you in situations that force you to deal with issues that your parents never dealt with. In my case these issues were my mother’s fears and my dad’s insecurities.
It took me a long time to realize that those same issues were transmitted to me, very subtlety but most assuredly. I was forced to deal with my parents fears and insecurities when my father was on dialysis and dying. They could not make any decisions and they relied on me totally. That put a tremendous amount of pressure on me.
At the time of my father’s illness and passing, my job was threatened by a merger. I was awakened many nights by nightmares. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I needed professional help. That is when I started in therapy and sought a spiritual director and a therapist. This was the best gift I gave to myself and hopefully to our children and grandchildren. It helped me to face my issues and deal with them in a constructive way.
If we do not face the issues and let go of the chains that bind us we will continue to transmit them to those we love. To quote a priest I greatly admire, “If you do not transform your pain, you will transmit it.” Our parents were certainly not aware of this. I would venture to say they did not even realize their issues much less realize that they could or should deal with them in a healthy way. But today that is not the case. There are so many resources available both professionally and in self-help tools. No one’s childhood is perfect. No one’s life is without missteps, wrong turns, or misfortunes. But we can each strive to be the best we can be and seek the tools that enable us to live fulfilling lives.
It is a lot easier to have a second and third cocktail, eat and stuff our emotions, or distract ourselves with the latest gadgets and fashionable acquisitions. Unfortunately, the consequences of these escape will never lead us to the changes necessary to truly live a life of abundance and break free of the chains that unconsciously control our lives.
You may want to write down in your note book everything you love about your parents. On the other side of the page write down things you think held them back from reaching their full potential.
You have a great opportunity to stop passing this on by finding the best tools available to help you release all chains from past generations in your life. This will be the best gift you can give to your children, family,
friends and future generations!
With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence
in one's ability, one can build a better world.
The following message came from our daughter after returning from the awards celebration at the school our grandson attends, Christian Brothers School, St Anthony Campus.
“I'm so proud of my boy. Jack has worked very hard this year and he received the Brother Amedy Award today. This award is given to one boy in each homeroom that exhibits outstanding scholarship, effort, and character both in and out of the classroom. He also ended the school year being on the “A” honor roll.”
Of course, as grandparents we are proud of his achievements but the story behind the scene is what makes this an amazing lesson for all of us.
While Jack was in a previous school the “A” students were awarded in class with snacks for their achievements. It broke my heart when I picked Jack up from school and he said he wasn’t one of the brighter kids because he did not receive a snack.
The atmosphere and the leadership of his current school focuses on emphasizing the positive, motivating and appreciating their staff and the students. Each student is made to feel they have unlimited potential. Jack could be a poster child that this philosophy works.
I was not a high academic achiever in school but because of the support and encouragement I received from my family I never once thought I could not achieve anything I wanted in life.
We all have the potential to change the lives of people we encounter daily. It is through this one-on-one influence that we can help change the world. So much of our time is spent discussing what is not working in government, schools and our communities. We sometimes lose hope that we can create a positive change in the world. We can!
It’s the simple things that can make a big difference. Last week I told the cashier at the grocery that I chose her checkout line because I noticed how fast she was. She smiled and replied, “I try hard to get my customers out as quickly as possible.” Whenever I experience outstanding service I call the company and speak to the manager so that their employee is recognized as an asset in their success.
We have the opportunity every day to bring out the best in our family, employees, and friends by “catching them doing something right.” This affirmative action can create a positive rippling effect on how they bring out the best in others.
Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.
August 19, 1967 was a day that I had no doubt that God was present in my life. I still feel that way as we begin day one of our 50th year of celebrating our marriage and love we share for one another. I want to express my appreciation for the other half of Positive Pops, my wife in this posting.
We are a living proof that opposites attract and with hard work, communication and flexibility it can be a wonderful life together. We have been told by our spiritual intuitive friend Mary Jo “We came into this life to ride a bicycle for two.” Our friends and family say we are a Velcro couple because we enjoy and do so much together. We’re not sure if they mean that as a compliment or not!
My gift of being positive, creative and enthusiastic about experiencing everything certainly challenges someone who enjoys being home and is perfectly content to occasionally go out to a movie or a restaurant. Jeanne loves creating memories for the grandchildren by keeping photo albums from their birth to their current age for all eight of them. She is the behind the scene editor of my blog postings and she is a fantastic cook. Sometimes it seems the sound of the washing machine is music to her ears! Our children can verify that.
In spite of our differences in our comfort zones we have both learned to be flexible. We have traveled around the country and taken several trips to Europe. We have a social network of young minded seniors, the Good Timers, who enjoy eating out, attending theater, dancing, and actually innumerable events just to have “a good time.” I have also learned to enjoy quiet, down time at home.
The keys to any successful experience in life include determination, tools, discipline and a driving passion to succeed. That is why I offer the readers of my blog many different tools from my toolbox that I have used with success. These same tools can be used to make a good marriage great, especially if we are both embracing them. For example our Dream Board is done together so we can manifest in our lives what we both enjoy doing.
Since I am talking today about our celebration of marriage I scanned our bookcases in the Living Room and quickly noticed a book co-authored by Fr. Charles Gallagher Embodied in Love. In our early years of marriage we were blessed to work closely with him for five years giving Marriage Encounter weekends and workshops. He was driven by his passion to make good marriages great.
Another quote in the book Embodied in Love is from, Andrew Greely author of The Denominational Society, “The perception of intimacy between the parents was the key factor more important than sending the children to Catholic (or any other denomination) schools, more important than family prayers, more important even than the parents’ going regularly to Sunday mass.”
One of Fr. Chuck’s memorable sayings was "The most important gift you can give to your children is for them to see the love you have for one another."
These same words come alive in creating great friendships and a close knit family. When we gather around people who appreciate us and bring out the best in us God’s presence becomes real. It is this environment this world is hungry to experience. We may feel helpless with the negativity in the news but we can be a positive influence by loving and being truly present to the people with whom we choose to spend our time.
Today you may want to write a note to someone you are close to and let them know a quality in them that you admire. For those of you enjoying wedded bliss you may want to write a love letter expressing the gift of that special relationship in your life and the qualities in that person that you truly experience and appreciate.
Great things are happening all around us. When we lose focus on our blessings we begin to magnify the negative things happening in our lives and in the world. Lately the local and world news could certainly put even an optimistic preacher like Joel Osteen in a state of despair.
Yesterday we watched our grandchildren while their parents went to the orientation for a new school their children will attend this year. When their parents came back home they were so fired up and excited it seemed as though they had just attended a motivational seminar.
All schools are confronted with the same challenges of educating young leaders who can and will change the world. The difference in their experience with this school is the positive approach by the great leadership. Teachers are inspired to be the best they can be for their students. These motivated teachers will influence their students to achieve higher levels of learning than they thought they were capable of attaining. In this kind of environment positive leaders are molded. Experiencing their excitement motivated me to reassess how I evaluate success in my own endeavors and implement the following changes in my mindset.
By doing these things I hope to become a true influence for positive change.
Inspiring Motivational Quotes on Leadership
Jeff Haden, Contributing Editor, Inc.
Here are some of my favorite leadership quotes. Tweet them, share them, but most important, use them to help you become an even better leader than you already are:
I want to thank so many of my readers who have offered me support by writing in the comment section or sending me emails with positive resource information. As a result of being given that information I have increased my resources in my toolbox that I can share with others. A recent resource I received is a guide offered by Harvard Medical on Positive Psychology. One topic of immediate interest was Feeling Young at Heart May Help You to Live Longer.
You may want to jot down your leadership attributes and how you can influence others through your example. Many of those leaders are living under your roof.
"When a man's willing and eager, God joins in." Aeschylus
I habitually surround myself around people who have a passion for what they do. Their excitement for life is contagious and it gives me hope for a brighter future.
Being retired has offered me many blessings. I enjoy reflecting on the many opportunities I experienced that supported my positive thinking. I am grateful that the grandchildren have expressed how much they appreciate that quality of mine.
One of the grandchildren wrote in an assignment at school that I was very influential in his life. I asked him to tell me more precisely what was it in me that influenced him to select me. He said he observed that I always have a smile on my face and just naturally see the positive things in life. Needless to say I am humbled by that recognition.
As I open my toolbox to get ideas to write for my blog I'm amazed at all of the personal and spiritual growth experiences my wife and I have participated in during the 49 years of our marriage. We have consistently attended workshops and lectures on personal development, marriage enrichment, nutritional needs for optimum health and vitality, alternative solutions to healing and wellness.
For those serious about living the life of your dreams I would like to encourage you to connect with like-minded people, attend seminars, and read books that support your goals and dreams.
The next step is critical. Unfortunately it is where I see so many people give up on their dreams. They research ideas and become aware of the necessary steps to create the life of their dreams but they do not follow through by taking action.
It is one thing to read inspirational books or attend a seminar to experience a 24-hour high. Many people become addicted to experiences that get them excited and motivated but they do not implement the ideas and recommendations into their daily lives. Achieving the life of your dreams requires taking those tools that are realistic for your capabilities and resources and initiate your action plan. It may be just a small step initially but its forward movement. Remember to achieve a major shift it typically requires doing a 90-day commitment. Once you have accomplished that it becomes a way of life.
The one person that helped me the most in taking action was Dr. Wayne Dyer. I have all of his books in my library of inspirational writers. The one book by Dr. Dyer I took from my toolbox today is Excuses Begone! (How to change lifelong, self-defeating thinking habits.)
The following is a quote from this book.
“Enthusiasm Overcomes Excuses
Passion is a feeling that tells you: this is the right thing to do. Nothing can stand in my way. It doesn't matter what anyone else says. This feeling is so good that it cannot be ignored. I'm going to follow my bliss and act upon this glorious sensation of joy.
Excuses, on the other hand, communicate the opposite message: I don't necessarily have to follow through-look at how dull all of this is anyway. This isn't very important; if it was, I'd be excited about it. I'll drop it for now; I can always do it later. This isn't for me; I'll just finish it quickly and get it over with.”
Today is a great day to start living out your life passions. Everyone will benefit. People want to surround themselves around people that are excited about life. I know that I do!
It is always great hearing from you in the comment section to learn what you are doing to support you in living the life of your dreams.